


My heart isn't yours.

by Jerrieforeveralways



Category: American Horror Story, raulson
Genre: F/F, Lily/Hamish, Love Confessions, Smut, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10052930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerrieforeveralways/pseuds/Jerrieforeveralways
Summary: Lily's with Hamish to suppress her feelings for Sarah, but when Hamish says I love you she can't say the same. At least not to him.Smut.





	

Prompt:  
Lily suppresses her love for Sarah by going out with Hamish but soon comes to realise forcing her heart to love another isn't as simple. 

Lily and Hamish were sitting in the restaurant where they first met, laughing about nothing in particular as they drank their wine. It was their 6 month anniversary and Hamish had planned a whole day of activities for the two of them to do. This was their 3rd place and the 2nd to last of their adventures.

"Do you like everything so far?" He asked, their hands connecting over the table,   
"Its been absolutely amazing Hamish, thank you" Lily replied smiling lovingly towards her boyfriend. "I'm glad" they gazed at each other adoringly the world around them becoming nothing but background noise. Their hands were intertwined together, Hamish's thumb caressing her hand. "Fried Tortellini?" The waiter asked holding both their meals,   
"that would be me" Hamish said moving his wine to accommodate for the large bowl.   
"And wild mushroom risotto for you" he said placing the bowl in front of Lily,   
"Mm, thank you sir" She responded politely. 

\-----------

"Well that was exquisite" Hamish remarked licking his lips.   
"Indeed it was. Thank you.. for everything tonight Hamish, I've really enjoyed it" Lily adulated.   
"It's not over just yet Lil" Hamish smirked grabbing her hand, walking her to the car. They both got in Lily nervous as to what Hamish was thinking and Hamish praying that she'd like it. They didn't drive long until they arrived at their destination. An abandoned skate park. "Hamish why did you bring me here?" Lily questioned a baffled expression on her face,   
"because you always said you wanted to lay in the centre of a skate park and look at the stars; so I present to you, a skatepark and stars" Hamish smiled opening his arms wide as he showcased where they were.   
"I can't believe you remembered that, this is -" She stood still, lost for words with a large smile plastered on her face "-incredible" she finished once the appropriate word came to mind.   
"I'm glad you like it" he grabbed her face lightly connecting there lips in a sweet kiss. "Well come on, the stars await" Hamish smiled lifting her as he ran to the centre, lily laughing as he carried her. When satisfied that he was approximately in the centre, he placed lily down kissing her forehead as he did.   
"This is too much Hamish, you're amazing" Lily spoke cheerfully,   
"Nothing's too much for my girlfriend" Hamish declared grabbing her by the waist, spinning her around in his arms as they laughed together. 

They then laid under the stars, Lily's head resting on his chest while Hamish's arms wrapped around her securely. They were silent for awhile, laying peacefully in each other's embrace. "Lily",   
"Mm",  
"I love you". Lily laid shocked as she processed what he said. "Lils did you hear me?" Hamish asked quietly, sitting up so she was no longer laying on his chest, a frown resting on his face.   
"Yeah, I- I did" she answered hesitantly,   
"Well?",   
"Well, I. I love your jacket". Hamish got on his feet, Lily following in suit,   
"My jacket, you love my jacket?" Hamish answered taken aback at her reluctance to repeat the words. "Hamish" lily huffed, knowing she couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear.   
"Lily I told you I loved you, why aren't you saying it back? Do you love me?",  
"I" Lily hesitated. A drop of water hit her cheek, piercing a line through her foundation. She looked up as more droplets started to fall, wetting the both of them quickly.   
"Lily please! Say you love me!?" Hamish yelled choosing to yell so he wouldn't cry.   
"I, I. I have to go" lily rushed, bolting from the confrontation.   
"Lily it's raining, don't be daft. Get in the car!" He yelled. Lily ignored him running to the only place she could think of, Sarah's. 

As she ran the water drenched every inch of her body, making the distance seem further away. Lily pulled out her phone, dialling Sarah's number cursing loudly as it went to voicemail. She continued to run, getting strange looks from people passing by, she could finally see the sign belonging to Sarah's street giving her a burst of energy. She arrived at her best friends house, running up the stairs to her porch. Her hand rested inches away from the wooden door not sure if to knock or retreat and apologise to Hamish. Oh for fuck sakes lily, knock on the god damn door. Stop being such a pussy, you can do this. You've wanted this for so long just knock. 

\--------------

Sarah jumped startled by the hammering on her door. She left her study hurriedly, opening the door. "Lily" she breathed stunned.   
"Sarah" Lily spoke as she lunged herself at Sarah, wrapping her wet arms around the older women.   
"Hey baby what's wrong? Why are you wet?" Sarah asked as she rubbed the younger woman's back holding her securely in her embrace as she cried.   
"I couldn't do it", Lily whispered.   
"Couldn't do what babe?" Sarah asked concerned.  Lily exited the embrace looking at the older women whose blouse was now very see through due to the wetness of Lily's clothes.   
"I couldn't say it sar, I couldn't lie to him. I can't lie anymore, to myself, to him. To you." Lily spoke loquaciously.   
Sarah grabbed Lily's face, her own in close proximity. She looked into the younger woman's eyes, "Lily what have you been lying about?, what couldn't you say?" Sarah catechised trying to understand what the brunette was telling her.   
"Hamish, he. It was our three month anniversary, he took me to all the places that, that had significant meanings to us" Lily said, looking away from Sarah, her yes turning to glass.   
"That's beautiful lil" Sarah said smiling sadly,   
"No Sar, you don't understand" Lily huffed,   
"Then make me understand Lil, why are you here? What happened?" Sarah questioned again, her hands leaving Lily's face as she grabbed her hands. Squeezing them tightly. 

"He took me to the diner where we first kissed, then the park where we first made love under that old birch tree. Then to dinner at that restaurant where we first met, you know the one I worked at before murder house-" Sarah nodded. "-well everything was going great, I'd never had anyone do something like that for me, except for when we had that health scare and you took me to all the places I'd dreamed of going and the place where we met and I started to think about everything with you and me but then he said we had one more place to go so I pushed it back and went with him. He took me to a skate park because I'd-",   
"Always wanted to lay under the stars in the centre of one, I know" Sarah finished her sentence smiling at the younger women her fingers tracing over Lily's hand.   
"Yeah and it was so nice, but then he, he said I love you". Lily paused a tear escaping through her think eyelashes.   
"Lil, babe that's great. I don't understand why you're here and not with him" Sarah looked at lily her eyes full of curiosity.  
"I, I,I didn't say it back sar. I couldn't",  
"Why not Lil, you and Hamish are great for each other".   
"Because I would have been telling him a lie, I don't love him Sar. I always thought that I could, that he would help me change my feelings but he didn't. I know that now, I don't want to be that girl that fights with her heart and chooses the wrong person because they're afraid. I'm not afraid anymore Sarah" Lily admitted.  
"What are saying Lily?" Sarah asked confusion laced in her voice.   
"I love you, fuck I've always loved you. That day at the reading for colder than here something just hit me, I'd never felt anything like that before, it was like I'd found my home, my safe place. I just fell head over heels madly in love with you, it was insane. But I always hid that part of me away because I couldn't handle being rejected by you, so I told myself I'd rather have you in my life as my best friend than confess my feelings to you and risk losing you. Because you and I, we're bound to one another. So much so that I don't feel that I could survive without you. You nurture me, you protect me. You're my home Sarah. I love you so much" Lily felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and that the leash around her heart had finally snapped. She looked at the older woman who's cheeks were now covered in tears, out of instinct she wiped them away letting her hand linger on her loves cheek. "Sarah please say something" Lily begged the full reality of what she'd said hitting her hard, she looked at Sarah her eyes hard to read.   
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I'll just - I'll just go, I'm sorry" Lily said sadly, walking away from Sarah. Her hand reaching for the door knob.   
"No lily wait" Sarah said finally, grabbing onto the brunettes hand before she could leave. "Baby that was the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me, I love you too Lily, so much". Lily's face lit up at the confession, immediately hugging the blonde tightly as she cried. When she pulled away Sarah smiled back just as lovingly, "I hope those are happy tears",   
"Oh trust me, they are" Lily giggled, grabbing Sarah's collar and pulling her in, their lips crashing together in a passionate kiss. Sarah's back hit the wall as the kiss become aggressive and slightly needy while the two continued their make out session. "Sarah I want to, can we-",  
"Yeah let's do that" Sarah breathed cutting off Lily as she guided her to the living room, sitting down on the sofa. Lily pushed Sarah down gently, hovering above her as she stared into her lovers eyes. Sarah's hand grabbed the back of Lily's neck connecting their lips in another feverish kiss, each other's clothes being discarded quickly leaving them in just their underwear as they memorised each others bodies. Lily was the one to break the kiss, moving to placing kisses along Sarah's jawline and neck leaving an occasional bruise as she made her way to the older woman's chest. Ripping off her bra and locking her lips onto Sarah's nipple making the blonde moan softly. Her free hand moved to Sarah's right nipple massaging it tenderly as her mouth tended to the other. Once satisfied Lily moved lower, her lips leaving a string of bruises from Sarah's breasts to her hips. She looked up to see the blonde with her eyes closed and her hands playing with her breasts. Lily smiled before lifting Sarah's hips, sliding off her black lace underwear moaning at the sight of her lovers glistening centre. "Fuck you're gorgeous Sarah" Lily praised letting her fingers run through the older woman's folds, relishing in the fact that she'd made her this wet. Looking at her lovers body Lily become a little too eager, crawling back up Sarah's body meeting her lips in another kiss. But when lily tried to move back she lost her balance and fell the the floor, Sarah bursting out into a fit of laughter. Lily looked at her lover grumpily, pulling the blondes arm roughly so she landed on top of the brunette, her uncovered centre hitting the younger woman's thigh making her gasp loudly. She quickly flipped their positions reinstating her dominance. Their lips met once again in a less aggressive kiss, Sarah's hands resting on Lily's back as their mouths moved together in a synchronised fashion. Lily's hand moved down Sarah's stomach finding her lovers core, wasting no time she inserted two fingers causing the older woman to curse loudly gripping onto Lily's back tightly as she struggled to maintain her part in the kiss. The blonde opened her eyes quickly when she felt the brunette add a third finger, digging her fingernails into the brunettes forearm. Knowing she'd need a good 10 minutes at least to bounce back from her nearing orgasm she let go of her lovers left arm moving her hand to Lily's centre pushing past her silk underwear and inserting three fingers knowing with that many Lily wouldn't last long either. Due to the sudden intrusion Lily's movements faulted slightly but got back to work rather quickly when she felt Sarah's thumb run across her clit. There eyes met as they pumped in and out of each other in perfect unison, a layer of sweat covering both of their foreheads. Sarah was nearing her peak fast but she knew Lily was still slightly further away from her high so she held on, wanting the younger woman to cum first. Her thumb began to rub against her clit harder while her fingers curled inside the blonde hitting her g-spot with every  thrust making a string of profanities slip from the younger woman's lips. "Sarah I'm so close, please, oh god" Lily's nails leaving bright red marks along her lovers back as she came, Sarah following in suit her hand holding onto lily tighter than before, there screams mixing together. Once they had both calmed down Lily grabbed a blanket and a pillow off the couch, lifting Sarah's head slightly so she could place the pillow underneath. Her head resting on the blondes naked chest as she pulled the blanket over the two of them. One arm laying under the blondes head and the other laying on Sarah's stomach intertwined with Sarah's hand. Sarah wrapped her other arm around the brunettes small frame protectively pulling her closer. "I love you Sar" Lily spoke softly, cuddling onto Sarah's body even more. "I love you too Lil" Sarah placed a light kiss on Lily's forehead before letting the warmth of the fire put them both in a deep sleep.

Please give me any constructive criticism, it really does help. 

\- Rivva


End file.
